Mar 07 International Break

Hairspray and Hail Mary’s


I had a dream the other night. Actually, if I’m honest, it was more of a nightmare. I bumped into Kingsley Jones in the Old Arcade Bar in Cardiff and over the course of a few beers we talked about how disappointing the season had been and how the squad depletion had reached crisis point. Being a man of a generous disposition, I offered to come out of retirement, root out my old boots and come to the rescue in a manner worthy of the shiniest knight.

Dreams, unfortunately, never reflect reality. Maybe I’d better put my offer into some sort of perspective.

I didn’t have the most illustrious rugby career, and at best could only have been described as an ‘enthusiastic’ stand-off who talked a good game, but never really walked the walk. What I lacked in talent, flair and ability I more than made up for with gangliness, stupidity and an inability to realise when I was beaten. Like many a talented fly half, I liked to play really flat. The problem was I never quite cracked how far a stand-off should actually ‘stand off’.

As a consequence I tended to be carried from the field more times than I walked from it. Given that, you’d have thought he’d have bitten my arm off, but no, in my dream Kingsley was dignified but firm in his response. Did he accept my offer to play? Well, to his credit, he did try to keep a straight face but nearly choked on his pint. The only words he could muster were, ‘yes things have been tough, but we’re not that desperate’.

That for me sums up the whole of this season, disappointing and frustrating, but certainly not disastrous as many of the doom and gloom merchants would have us all believe. I certainly felt that we were equipped to take on Europe this season, especially after the way we blew Biarritz away in the pre-seasons. But, in spite of what any Munsterman says, no-one has a God-given right to anything, let alone the Premiership or the Heineken Cup.

Sometimes things are not meant to be, and we just have to accept and move on. That’s not to say that we can’t all have a good moan and grumble along the way, but we just have to lick our wounds, prepare for the next campaign, focus on the positives and move on.

The most important thing of all to remember is that for many like myself, rugby is about far more than just results. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather win than poke myself in the eye with a stick, but rugby is all about commitment, passion and camaraderie: it’s about the people you meet, the friends you make and the places you go to. It’s essentially a way of life that I wouldn’t change for anything, whether we play in the Premiership or on a field in Gatley.

We were obviously right at the back of the queue this year when the luck was handed out, if in fact we were actually in the queue at all. Any team would’ve been rocked by what has happened. Yet, we’ve still managed to compete even though we are undoubtedly running on empty. This is in spite of the fact that we’ve had to use the same group of players week after week. Some of these guys must be held together with hairspray and Hail Marys. No-one could have asked any more of them: they’ve pushed their bodies to the limits and then beyond, and I, for one have nothing but respect and admiration for that.

We need to garner sufficient points from our last three matches and ensure we stay in the top flight and, with a little more luck next time round, go out and show what a top class unit we still are. We have top quality coaches who’ve been there and done it at the highest level.

We have the players, without a doubt, and will no doubt bolster the squad over the coming months. We already know we are signing Scott Lawson and Rory Lamont, but I believe there will be others. I’ll personally sell my car and the family if it helps secure the services of Juan Martin Hernandez. Well, maybe not the car. Still, our coaches have a way of unearthing hidden gems: look at Sebastien Bruno and Corcho, how many of us had heard of them before they came? Even Seabass wasn’t a name that tripped off the tongue for many when he came, but look at him now.

We also have within our Academy a group of young players who are itching to make their mark at a senior level. Given that we have to work within such tight financial constraints, this seems the obvious way to go. You only need look to Ben Foden who has shown what he can do at this level. He might be off to pastures new, but it’s worth remembering that the grass isn’t always necessarily greener. Sean Cox and David Tait are also examples of the talent we have available to us. All three have already taken the big step up the ladder and acquitted themselves admirably.

Yet there are others who’ve yet to have their day in the sun. David Blair, Mike Hills, Matt Riley, Selorm Kuadey, Ben Lloyd and Martin Halsall are all excellent young prospects who I would love to see gracing the field for the senior side. It’s worked at Gloucester, who’s to say it won’t work for us?

Next season will provide perhaps the biggest test of all. We have the World Cup to look forward to, though personally I’ll probably watch it from behind the sofa and wince every time one of our lads is tackled. We’ll just have to pray that they come back fit, well and still capable of standing.

Then who’s to say that there won’t be more ‘friendlies’ arranged to boost the coffers down at HQ, should Francis Baron decide he wants another extension? On top of all of this, we still have the small matter of the Championship and possibly European competition to contend with. It’s going to be really tough but I think we’ve got the squad to deal with.

Anyway, if things get desperate again next year, my offer still holds good. I’m not as quick as I was for sure, but I’ve still got that suicidal streak running through my veins that makes Lewis Moody’s look positively conservative. All you need do is call.